so like for years i was convinced that i didn't have any trace of my old iphone photo galleries from before like 2022 or whatever right

but today i logged into an apple account that i had remembered existed and went into like my icloud storage for it

and there's imagessssss from back then

specifically there's like images from only 2017 and 2019

this was suuuuuper surprising to me cuz i hadn't seen some of these since their respective years but now it's like ok it's totally coming back to meeeee

..... these images r kinda weird tho

i won't show anything but i found like,. stuff really

like ,, first of all i was ugly as hell in early 2017

i have like selfies on here and. i mean honestly i looked worse than i remember .. but really i'll like. cut myself some slack considering i was like .. whgat like 12 13 years old at the time . . . looking pretty was nnnnnot a priority ...

and then ig there were like memes scattered across this gallery right ? some of these are very of their time tho .. and maybe a few offensive things here and there too tbh i don't want to get too deep into that ......... and .. i mean like idk why but i was super into Pop Team Epic in 2019 ig (iirc 2018 also but 2018 stuff is not on here for whatever reason so i digress) cuz there were like pics from that that just stood tf out on here

i was veeeeery into k-on back in 2019 as well ,, and i do see traces of my appreciation for it here and there in this icloud gallery . which i suppose is cool idk

ngl almost forgot to mention this but it's hellaaaaa My Singing Monsters screenshots and screen recordings from this year . i mean that adds up really m, i played that game a lllllllllllot that year (stilllll talking about 2019) .. almost too much tbh .. and honestly i was very like fake about it in a way cuz i remember periodically taking like 2 mile long walks to my local pharmacy just so i could get itunes gift cards to buy more .... um .... more .. i mean what was the currency in My Singing Monsters again oh i remember yeah Diamonds it was so i could get more Diamonds in the game yeah that's what it was ..... shudders

what's really throwing me off here is some of these discord screenshots tho .. old discord looked sooooo differeeeeeent ..... i miss the old mobile profile layout from like mid 2019 and before and tbh i think about it even nowadays lol This Discovery Aside

i had a madoka magica pfp in these discord screenshots which alllllso checks out cuz i remember i was into that shit at the time as welllllll ..... and like yea my pfps are in here too tbh .. these are weird .... i had weird pfp game in 2019 ..... why did i have a shounen anime pfps on here .... i didn't watch that kind of shit back then ........ i was NEEEVER INTO shounen anime ... oh well ... even now i'm not into shounen so it's like whahuh right ....... i was being a poser really cuz. like a handful of people around me in teh digital sphere had like shounen anime pfps and i was like ohb ..,.,,,, They Got That Shit On ok i can be cool like them too maybe ...... idk .............

whatever

hi

heyy so um

okay so things well not a lot of them but still things are and have been happening

i'm not holding up very well tbh cuz of like intrusive thoughts . but that's totally just whatever here ok i'm not gonna get super into that

aaaand also my college courses start tomorrow ....... yyyyyyyuck

this semester's gonna be hard as hell programming and higher level math at the same time ...... goodness

well whatever honestly ,, as long as i finish everything i have left in my personal planner for this year then i can get my associate's in cs and transfer to a 4 year

which is like. i reeeeeeally want to be able to do this

so much effort necessary but like fuck it

aaand one last thing .......... i got a reisen fumo yyyyesssss it came inthe mail today

it's like. Hisouten ver reisen , so it's not the reisen that ig eeeeveryone is used to

but i literally do not care ok she's still reisen and i love her so much ok look at the attachments pls she's so cute

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yo

ion got shit to say other than im lowkey sick and tired of netizens

im like. a netizen tired of other netizens tho

shit kinda like whatever

tomorrow im probably gonna not b tired of em but like fuck it

oh woooow hi guysss happy new yearrrr

okay ... um wow so i should retrospect here a little i think

2025 ........ u were special , but like weird too ..... like ..... reeeeeeally fuckin weird.

u brought me soooo much of this special creativity feeling that built from 2024 so magically!!!

u brought me happiness in very specific areas ..... i got a new dog ..... (that i somehow neglected to talk about when i got em but whatever ok his name is toby we got em in late september and he's a yorkieee yes he was born in august)

u helped me rekindle older interests and find new appreciations for those things i liked in the past ... goodness

my music is also like ... more acknowledged than ever

but at the same time .. you brought me a lot of sadness ..... and harshness .... we were taken to court so that we would be evicted (albeit we won in the end ,, it was still a rough thing to go thru) ... a close one of my family died ... i was going through very severe mental episodes like no other year

even with all of those bad things considered though, i can't bring myself to hate 2025 . of course like ,. there were many points where i was just out of it and wanted a very special sort of release or whatever ...

... but this year had a tremendous amount of growth to it too , which i feel very content thinking about ... honestly

this might sound dumb , but i thank this website a lllllot for pushing me towards , a very special direction .. as ,, like i had sorta mentioned before .. the way i grew creatively is just . wow lol

there's a lot more that i'm failing to bring up rn , but this is generally how i feel lol .. how special of this past year to make me feel this way , all bad things aside

hmm

anyways um. like christmas or whatever , Today (or ig yesterday) was kinda nothing

we ate a sorta hefty amount from this fast food chicken place .. which i mean i'm okay w that honestly that food is classic asf eats n i fw having it

um. ig we did a new year countdown also. i wasn't expecting us to do it but like we did it yea .. lots nd lots of fireworks too i mean the pics i took this year were shitass but idc ngl

okay um heeere's to 2026 ok

hi so i can't believe that after allllll of these years of being a touhou sort of appreciator or whatever i've just never bought these before like ever

but i finally like. okay i finally got theseeee [the stuff in this post's attachments] in the mail today!!! ok these are touhou 6 touhou 7 aaaand touhou 8

how wonderfulllll these areeeee

imperishable night is the most important oneeee ok that's like my favorite one ever

they look really fresh and awesome ok and, lol ..... i love their obi strips too ... they look pretty ,,,,,.,

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sorta last minute merry christmas!!!

sorta last minute merry christmas ohh!!!!!

merry chriiiiiiistmaaaaaaaaassss happy holidayyyyssss!!!!!!!!!!!!

today was a bunch of nothing

i've been fucked up these past few days cuz i hadn't been getting enough sleep my body wouldn't let me sleep

but todaaaay

today i got a good amount of sleep ig tho it was still like fragmented and kept on waking up here and there

buuuuuut it's still better than before!!!!!

.....

chriiiiiiiiistmaaaaaasssss!!!!!!

edited (27 December 2025 @ 02:44 CST): toooo many exclamation marks that were messing this container tf up

hiiii and i'm screaming for how this year is coming to an end sort of

thereis less than 10 days of 2025!!! oh well

2025 has been a very interesting year for my creativity and really just hoping the same but better actually. for um 2026

ok but anyways like. ok it's the middle of winter break of course and obviously

i suppose Winter like , the season , haaaas actually started already ok it started yesterday

that's kinda chill except. low emphasis on chill tbh i'm not having a very white christmas

i just checked my local weather forecast and we have like. high 70F-80F and um. low 60F days coming up soon

yyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy (only joking)

well next monday drops down to 40s in F so ig there's thaat .. but that's aaaaafter christmas .. that's no fun

well idc so much anyway i think ... nothing ever happens on christmas day for me . and nothing's been happening on christmas day for these past few years

i guess i got like, my gift already yeah. but it's not really like a gift gift no my mom just kinda gave me 125 usd and said "go buy what you want"

that was like a week ago ,, and so far i've bought nnnnnnothing at all. oh well

i mean ok um. well that aside, i still want to make christmas presents for people.. i haven't even started making things yet wtf what is up with me ok

i'm hoping tomorrow i'll finally get the drive to just go out ... buy art supplies ... and make me some cardboard dolls

let us be the type to give for the first time in a while

i finished my college term today which is sorta boss up

but like i have to spend this winter break studying for an upcoming programming course tbh which is a little poo

tho like fuck it i guess

also ....... the best game of all time ... Eternity Egg...... came out a few hours ago

i bought it and played it .......... and like ....... FUCK

shit is genuinely like awesome and wild and precious and beautiful and fresh as hell also and too ...... like wooooooooow

i knew those dev teasers were on real shit

buggy game cuz early access but still .............. i look past its current faults

Eternity Egg for all of eternity

hiiiiiii

so. i can't believe it's december dude what even is that

2025 truly fast as hell year and. at this point i'm coming to the conclusion that. it's been kind of an unfulfilling year in some ways but also very fulfilling in other ways

that feels like every year though ,, honestly ,, or. in other words i guess that's kinda really just life lol

no matter

anyways um. i don't look forward to this month usually because it's when my worry for college finals becomes greater nd stuff

this time around i have to balance studying for finals and warming up to materials for my upcoming programming fundamentals ii course that i have next term

which. yk that's one upside i'm looking forward to in 2026. the fact that once i'm done with my transfer path courses, that will be my laaaast year in this community college ... and i seriously do not want to fail what i have left

though, that doesn't change the fact that it pains me how long i've been here honestly

i've changed my major two times overall ,, and like. i went through periods in earlier years where i succumbed to deeper depressions + i was unreasonably apathetic tbh cuz i was balancing a job in the midst of college , and i wasn't used to that kind of pressure

plus like. even as of recently i've gone through my fair share of course registration conflicts and. have had bad information given to me by advisors that. as a result misled me over what i was actually supposed to be registering for ..

but remedies are being attempted

things can get better

okay anyway um. recent gaming ishes .... i guess i've been playing "Nubby's Number Factory" and like. yeah honestly it's cool lol ..... i love the aesthetic for it but. idk lol there are a few stressful moments here and there . tho overall it's like. fun and stuff .. i can get behind its lil gimmicks

i've also been trying to play "Mabinogi" more lately cuz ... yk ... sometimes really mindful over that

and waiiiiit i realize i neglected to talk about some other gaming related things in my last few posts so. i'll go over those now lol

one: i reeeeeally need to read "HEARTLOVEPOWERTEMPLE" ok i've had this thing downloaded on my computer for a few weeks at this point but. i juuust haaaaven't read it yet ...

two: i read this one kinetic novel called "Hello Girl" by the dev/pub "Imo Team" in like earlier november and. dude it was so beautiful. i felt the tears building up underneath my eyelids when i was wrapping that story up

three: i did like. an unexpected steam game haul on the 19th of november . where i bought , okay i already talked about "Mosa Lina" before and. yep still really love that game it's so good ... but on that same day i also bought "eXceed: Gun Bullet Children" which SUCKED and was unplayable tbh ... but ykw i just remembered there's like. a community patch for that game that i should get my hands on to make it more playable ... i won't fully discredit its jank. um. i also bought "eXceed 3rd: Jade Penetrate Black Package" ... which was better than the last thing i brought up . and finally i got this one game called . "Blue Revolver" . which i hadn't played much of tbh but i remember it reminded me of like. a cave shmup like "DoDonPachi" and "Mushihimesama" ... which i thought was special ... so , .. overall this haul was very much bullet hell centric

okay that's that ... aaaand on an unrelated note . i ordered these two things off amazon cuz ... yk ... recent sales and stuff . and i'm like , so satisfied ... u can see them in the attachments of this post

i wishlisted this miku book a while ago and. only recently remembered that like, hey yeah this was a thing that i wanted

this katamari disc i've been wanting for aaaaages though you have no idea

but now i have these and. goodness i'm contented

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hello

i don't feel content w things lately but i'll just say what's on my mind

first of all i'm. still doing my thing in college ,,, there's this one project that i should really get started on , but , i've been going through too much of a mental slackening to be able to do so

whatever

i also took an exam recently and. i haven't gotten a grade back or anything. but i feel like i did bad on it

that stuff's pretty whatever too

anyways um i. took up adobe illustrator recently which. i haven't been doing a lot with it but i made some things that i thought were pretty cool ,,, u can see them in my misc and drawings pages i guess mhm they're light but they're special

and and annnnd i've also been playing a lot of this one game. called mosa lina. i got recommended it by a friend on discord and , gosh i'm hooked honestly . ., it's so addicting ...... i lov the um. atmosphere as well it's very spacey and pretty

edited (23 November 2025 @ 20:01 CST)

hello

honestly i feel like i’ve been succumbing to a sorta deeper depression lately and. i’ve just. weirdly been not wanting to talk to anyone

i want to be left alone i guess ,,, and it’s all coming from the fact that i feel like i did something wrong ok like. in the back of my head .. i’m like “yeah ,, u messed up somewhere” ,, but realistically i don’t know where

oh well

not much to say about that ,, but i’m kinda just oooout of it is the point

and while i’m trying to not be out of it ,,, i kinda just can’t help it for now

hiiii okay happy 50th post on here first of all

but that's not what this entry is about

i wanted to like ,,, bring this up for a bit just to get it out there ngl ok bringing light to this

did u guys know that ,,, this website's redesign was inspired heeeeeavily by megatokyo

i mean i feel guilty about it tbh. cuz i just did a side by side between this website and that website and like. wow tbh

i made it wayyyyyy too close

whatever honestly

well shoutout fredrin tbh i love megatokyo

whoaaaaaaaaaa the last post says 01:22 CST but thiiiis one says 01:04 CST and that's like. not even wrong rn!!!

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

hiiiiiiii daylight savings is happening rn so the clock is falling backward instead of forwardddd

as of me typing this cst and est are mergeddddd we're both in the exact same time!!!

coming back here in under an hour,,, it's gonna be so weeeeeeird lol this post is,,, in a way,,, gonna be aaaafter my next post lol if i time it right

hehe hiiiiiiiiii

hehehehehe hheaayyyyyy guysss happy halloweeeeeeen

though i'm a little impassive over that

my family hasn't really celebrated halloween like. seriously since.. mmmm i wanna say 2011 lol,,, like costume wise activity wise all that stuff

that's like. totally not gonna change this year but like whatever honestly lmao

we don't even give out candy to ppl ngl,,, i don't remember us doing that after 2014

well whatever ok soooooo um. anyways. not a lot has been going on w me lately honestly,,

i mean i took another exam for a college course the other day and i got an 85 on it which. yea honestly woohoo

better than the 70 i got for the last exam

i don't feel particularly proud of myself though because of how simple this exam turned out to be in the end

an exam that covers only one chapter

seriously

last exam they quizzed me on three chapters

my next exam will be on my 6th and 7th (don't laugh) chapters though so. whatever really

i don't want to be teh kind of student that's like. "um hey teach u forgot to give us more homework.".... oooor in this case "hey teach u..,, u giving us too little homework!!!" ok um yea that's not the kind of student i want to be

i don't care about wanting to do soooo much work for this course though i guess

has me feeling stress free a bit

i've also been. hmmmmm playing games i guess well. not really but kinda

yesterday and today i played these two games that i had purchased recently

they're called Touhou Dystopian aaaaand The Void Rains Upon Her Heart

both of these turned out to be roguelikes!!!

and they're both AWESOME!!!!!!

especially The Void Rains Upon Her Heart it's so insane

it's a roguelike,,, but bullet hell,,, ohmagad............. <3

currently kinda thinking about something ok

sometimes i notice how people on the internet

every so often they like to do this thing where if theyre like. 20 years old for example. theyll say something like "i have wasted 20 years of my life"

but being the sort of literal person i aaaam i kinda wonder right now

like

what could you have done when you were 2 or 3 that wouldn't have been wasteful

i guess like. there's the question of being like. a child prodigy of sorts right

chinese babies who practice playing the piano and then perform like gods at age 5 or whatever

but that's usually a familial thing and not the kid's own undertaking

and. also thinking about if it really matters to say that you're 20 or so and that youve wasted your years

i heard someone say to someone else 21 years old. like. "you could do nothing right for 10 years and still be young"

probably a cliche statement and. dramatic too. but its probably something to think about

thinking about yuki and mai from pc98 touhou

mai is honestly secretly really ruthless and it’s a little insane

like when you reach stage 4 in touhou 5 and you kill mai first

yuki’s all like "wtf i’m gonna avenge her that’s so crazy"

but when yuki dies first mai’s like "fiiiinally!!!!!!!! now i'm not like held back or whatever"

that’s a little sad but. given their premises as magicians it sorta makes sense a little bit if you think about that dynamic sorta intricately

i know it’s not super likely that they’d make other official appearances (especially considering touhou 16 literally has its own mai so. that’d make things weird a little (things are already weird between those two)) but

i still like to hear about them period

i think they're very interesting characters and they're interesting together

wow i feel so fresh and clean and just all around special

so first of all u guys can clearly see i made really big changes to the website

not as mobile friendly as it used to be (probably) but it still makes me happy

colored it aesthetically pleasing

anyways my lifeeee um. hmmm

i finished an exam recently that i'm. honestly a little skeptical about

it was on base level college chemistry so it wasn't like.. insanely hard or whatever

although i did struggle for a few questions because i didn't maximize as much as i should've during the days where i did study

whatever on that part... i'll say i did what i could

i had a really weird technical difficulty when trying to take that exam though.. so i'm a little worried that that problem alone is like.. enough for my professor to deem my exam attempt as invalid or whatever

i like pleaded my case a little by sending her an email... but it's been two days and i haven't gotten a response which... iuno i think that's a little odd

i'm not too worried because in my head i can see this being like... something that happens pretty frequently with college students

so as far as i know i'm just a regular old someone else going through the same sort of problem that's. honestly a bit of an inevitability if you take online courses in college at this point

anyways another thing... i've been uploading videos to youtube guys

i'm not uploading on like a dedicated schedule or whatever... just moreso when i feel like it

i've really just been posting like. raw unedited (basically unedited but like 1 or 2 small edits sometimes if something happens) recordings of me playing computer games

it's like a gaming journal in video form. if u will

you guys should check my stuff out... here

i tried to make this a thing a few months ago when i started uploading touhou gameplays... but i never got around to doing more cuz. idk i guess at the time it felt like pressure a bit

but i've been learning to sit comfortably with the idea and. now i just want to game journal more this way

ok but like as of todayyyyyy tho i hadn't really. um been playing so much these past few days... as in after the 3rd of october

i played one game i guess (UDONGEIN X (it's kinda cool but it's also kinda hard (either that or i suck))) on the 6th

but other than that not really

i held off on games for a bit because of how intensely i was studying for my most recent exam so. now that that's out of the picture i wanna get to uploading more

this idea has been making me want to actually finish games though!!!... although that hasn't happened yet... but like i'm inclined to finish them :)

i did like. a game haul on the 2nd or 3rd of this month i don't really remember. but like yea where i bought a lot of games kinda

i have a good amount of downtime rn before i have to pick my studies back up on monday so. i reeeeeeally need to get thru this stuff that i bought

it'll probably be awesome

it being october rn is insane

this year is moving fast,,, 2024 felt faster kinda,,, or idk if i can even say that yet cuz this year isn't over,,, but right now still feels like 2025 is set up to be slower

currently feeling like,,, it'll look like not a lot of life progress will have been done this year by the time it ends,,, but at least i'm happier than previous years

here's to 2026

this year isn't over yet, idiot! say that when it ends!

hi everyone or i guess just myself in a way

i forgot to mention that not too long ago i got these plushies (see attachment)

i got a miffy plushie and a kitty marisa plushie they're so cute

i like making them close to each other as if they were best friends

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hi

it's um the 15th of september 2025 i am living life doing stuff

so like first of all my chemistry lecture and lab college courses start today

weirdly putting me at ease a little cuz i've been wanting stuff to do in relation to college so bad

i regret not being more wise during my registration period but like whatever honestly

at least i have these courses to tackle instead of nothing at all

another thing is that,. i'm gonna actually start applying to places for work this week

i think

really just want a part time yeaya it's been a while since i've applied for a job ngl,.,. over 2 years since the last time at this point so i hope i can manage the process like i used to lol

a little torn because like

retail sucks

food service sucks

i worked at a restaurant for about a year and i remember it being really stressful

and what if there are like.. jobs out there in my area that are like... so cool asf and awesome and and

oughghghh

much to think about

dude so

Psychopomp GOLD is goated

and so is um

despelote

despelote was seriously so amazing i love that game so much i played it in spanish

love everything about it like. such a sentimental experience

there are more games i’ve been meaning to play that i just haven’t tbh

Studio System: Guardian Angel is something i got recently

and i really should get to In Stars And Time

has been rotting in my steam library for a while

many such cases

i feel so weak right now

my head is not being kind to me

not like mental turmoil or whatever i mean like this headache is fucking w me

i mean it’s like so late in the night right like why wouldn’t i want to gts at this point

i haven’t been doing anything these past few hours but brooding away

…

i’m still up

social media’s messing me up i wanted to make a song earlier because i haven’t been making songs

but i got distracted

i can’t tell if it’s for the better honestly i mean i have a headache

producing would probably make it worse

whatever

never mentioned this but i just wanna get it out there that i acknowledge ok

toyohime in touhou 20 is huge

really huge

ok

i am starting to

think that my sadness is more of a general sadness instead of specifically just a nighttime sadness

i've been telling people that i go through nighttime sadness because i feel like people don't like to hear me out when i bring up that i'm sad

so i invalidate my own sadness by making it out to be just a nighttime thing that everyone goes through

i feel really torn inside honestly but whatever

currently wondering if i did this to myself

i probably shouldn't dwell on that any longer

or

i can't tell if that'd be healthy

hi

feeling worthless 31 august 2025

nighttime sadness every night is not fun or cool nights

i also don't like internet dictating me who i am

but how much should i care

it is the internet

i don't think i care so much

but it's not like i. don;t care at all

anyways i have headache too

and kind of mad at myself for only drawing and listening to people talk these past two weeks

i like indulging in art but i am limiting myself too

in productivity sphere

i still want a job or internship

i wish i realized importance of internship sooner

also typing weird on purpose rightnow because idk

some kind of head feeling

judge from civil case [that i mentioned in my last entry post] worked in our favor

ngl huge

hi hello whatsapp

so things lately

firstly i'm super addicted to drawing lately tbh

you should maaaaybe really check out my drawings page and see what i've been making if u haven't already

it's been eating up a bunch of my time but like whatever honestly

haven't been like gaming or making music like at all ,, in terms of like recently pursued hobbies at least

it's jjuusstt been this

i don't hate that i haven't been making music tbh,, but i do have games in my backlog that i wanna get to,, that i just.... haven't gotten to!

wondering if this drawing hyperfixation will die down soon

no biggie whether it does or it doesn't tbh.. i'm enjoying art!!

secondly i'm a little messed up over college

the semester started already but they didn't really give me the option to sign up for that many courses

i'm gonna go to an advising appointment in a few days so i can try talking that out w someone.. hoping to get an idea as to just whaaaat can i do...?!

i am not about to only take two courses.. it's really 1 1/3 courses tbh cuz it's like a lecture + lab split and the lab is 1 credit where the lecture is 3

if i can't get that stuff sorted out i'm gonna try pursuing like... a job like fr... or an internship somehow

third thing ok so tomorrow [tomorrow like the 28th ok not later today as tomorrow [i haven't gone to sleep yet]] i'm gonna go w my mom to a civil case court session... my blood dad sued her recently and she's thinking she'll combat the case w the best of her ability... but idk i'm nervous lol it's kinda really serious

i hope it works out in our favor... i don't even want to think about what'd happen if she couldn't succeed there...

it has to do with eviction... among other things... so really fingers crossed that things end up working out in the end

ueh

hey hi oghghgug hey guys

forgot to mention this the other day but i finally finished my summer college courses u,_u

biggest weight off my chest feeling in a while

those courses stunk rlly badly i hated them but i got thru them asf

had a bit of a one-in-a-lifetime team project experience which kinda gives me a headache just thinking about it

aaaaaand my math course liek

omg my math course

i literally like i had to take two exams back to back in the same week for my last week

i was so nervous like every single day of that week lol + for my last unit exam i literally got a 65/100 so i was like ?????? I'M GONNA FAIL WTFBHJUFWEBFBEWH

but liiiike i really just i got a 90 on my final which made me

well

i was about to say it made me soooooooo happy but rlly i'm just idk i'm relieved

(╥﹏╥)

another thing guyssssss wplace had been weirdly super thrilling for me not too long ago

it's down rn i think idk i haven't been checking it but a few days ago it wasn't down and like

doing touhou and hello charlotte and dismiss yourself pixel art on there + having people respond to my pixel art adding me on discord nd stuff + finding out people in my area have like similar interests to me

genuinely had such a big smile on my face when all thag unfolded wwow i loved it sm

the requests stopped nd like whatever but it was so euphoriccccccccccc

that site is holy deltarune tho

deltarune and brazil flag

not mad at it or whatever idk just kinda,.,., observing.......,.,.,.,.,.,,.,...

today is an amazing day for nostalgia

i finally managed to get access to my old dsi flipnote studio id (was under my nose the whole time but whatever)

and from that i got to see my flipnote hatena profile's archive for the first time

i genuinely screamed when i realized what i found

i have not seen these flipnotes in yearsssss

i don't want to link it here but i'll still say what i saw

so my account activity ranged from July 2011 to May 2013 which was cool to know

i guess i hung around that service during its twilight

and the stuff i posted is kinda... wow

i had pretty quirky obsessions back then

for example i was very into old windows operating systems like windows xp windows 3.1 windows server 2003 (for some reason) etc etc... i posted related stuff to my profile

i also apparently posted a bunch of my own personal renditions of rhythm heaven remix stages in 2012 which... looking back on these they're kinda awesome.. a little hard to believe i was 8 years old when i made them

i also had like... some japanese otoMADs i reposted here and there... which i think is really amazing and kinda confirms my memories a little bit. i've been emphasizing for a while that the otoMADs i watched when i was younger influenced me a lot... and this is like yeah lol they're here

a good amount of japanese stuff is on here actually not just otoMADs... which makes sense tbh. i was very heavy on importing flipnotes from japanese flipnote hatena and ig this was representative of that

okay and there's also like... ig u can consider it like "flipnote graphic design" in a way... i made a bunch of logos for stuff and posted them on here... they're pretty basic but i was still into the idea of just... making logos yeah... logos and drawn character models

there's a bunch of miscellaneous stuff here as well like other random reposts and a bunch of whatever scenes but i still just love looking through all this

like i still can't believe it it's all here it's all really here i'm so happy

i thought all of this was lost in time but it's here it's so so so really seriously here

i'll show some of these in the attachments

i got a new fumo in the mail today

it's a bit of an unpopular choice i think but i got pc-98 marisa

really love this she looks so great and i love her honestly

i think this'll actually be the last fumo i buy for a few years ok they're so expensive

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y'all look at these pics i took earlier ok check the attachments

so beautiful sky

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putting it out there that these next two weeks r gonna be like the worst two weeks ever for college coursework

extremely packed workload

btw 28th entry on the 28th of a month is very rare and once in a lifetime thing so like it's so important that i bring that up now before it's too late

actually no if i make a post tomorrow it'll still be fulfilled for 29

i might not make a post tomorrow tho

or idk maybe.. i have this thing to go to tomorrow that i might write about here if i'm like super unsatisfied and feel like talking about it

tho that sounds unlikely

been playing not so many games this month but a good amount ok i wish i could play more but i'm busy w college nd other things

came back to reading umineko recently okay it's been kinda awesome

currently on episode 3 i mean i had to leave it on hold for a few days but i'm hoping i can finish the episode later today

i also played heisei pistol show not too long ago and honestly wow

game left me introspective asf but also thinking about like... the kinda really interesting background revolving around parun

i might have to play that game again a few times over ngl... tho i'm interested in other parun things now and might dive as far as i can into that

kinda interested in umamusume... i remember hearing about the anime like... back in 2018 or so and thought like... yeah

but now it's time to indulge... maybe... idk i heard it's a gacha game and.. i historically do not do gachas,.,., aside from project sekai ig but even then i don't indulge in the gacha aspect of that game

i bought umineko golden fantasia like two days ago i need to play that

i heard it's okay... not super amazing but i wanna play it anyway cuz i love umineko... well idk everyone yet like i said i'm only on ep3

but still i'm interested

one more thing i bought psychopomp gold

not really too sure what that one has going for it but it looked really interesting

hiiiiiiiiii

first of all i reeeeeeally need to remember this site exists i've been lowkey neglecting it and getting like zero traffic cuz i've been hiding the link from like everyone

secondly i'm a little stressed but unstressed idk how to put it

college lololoololollololol college!!!!!!!!

i took a math exam earlier this week and it was nnnnot fun........ got a 78/100 but like i don't hate that ig cuz i literally thought i was gonna get like something in the 60-70 range...

dude at the beginning of the exam i literally almost had a panic attack i was like IDK HOW TO ANSWER ANY OF THESE PROBLEMS WTF but no i managed it asf

i finished all my hw for the week sliiiiiightly earlier than due date anticipated so i'm a little happy abt that ig

next week's gonna be a little bad tho i got like 3 math units to work on... which... in itself that's normal yea i'm okay w that... but i also have to write like a paper n work on this one team project

the paper i hate so much cuz they want me to visit an irl art gallery and do like a visual analysis of something

not the worst thing in the world i mean they're only asking for like what 2 pages worth of writing

but still i don't want to have to visit somewhere for that

i'll do it in a few days

as for the team project it's so fucked

it's a 2 person team project,, we've had this project available to work on for weeks but we've made like zero progress and it's due in 2 weeks (no pressure cuz it's a powerpoint ok those are never hard but still)

our communication has been fucking WEIRD well it's been about human... spotty tho... but it's still a bit weird ok listen rq

my teammate's been a very sentimental texter w me it's honestly a little overwhelming

plus like........ his dog died today (yesterday as i'm writing this but like today in terms of i've been awake since yesterday) and he's been texting me about it

like

i sent him my condolences and all cuz like it really was fucked up.. he said his dog died cuz of a heat stroke

but the part i kinda can't get over tho is how this guy sent me like a pic of his dog's soon-to-be grave like it was a hole in the ground that was empty

i felt a little uneasy cuz it's like... idk... i don't expect that out of group project teammates

if it gets to a point i will literally reach out to my prof like it's such a must

semi chaotic lately

i've been getting back into african music recently

i remember in like spring of 2021 i was sooooooooo into african music... among other things... particularly western african music but still just african music in general

fela kuti was biiiiiig to me ok that was a personal favorite at that time

feels like a long time since then honestly

there's this one Senegalese genre that peaked at my interests a lot back then that's known as "Mbalax"

i got back into that like two days ago and omggguuhuhh i might get into another african music phase

this be sum goodass shit mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm

guysss my nue houjuu fumo came in the mail

like the parsee fumo i got she's also authentic

no more fumo purchases for a long time but still these two are very precious i cherish them

(btw here in the attachments u can find my button pin collection on the wall atm i don't have a lot but since i got these fumo buttons w the fumos themselves i'm like sure this could be a fun thing to collect)

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currently kinda going thru balance of my life being like super active but at the same time nothing's happening at all

first of all college has been kinda whatever

currently passing everything and if anythinggggg last week i finished like all the stuff for my math course that i would've otherwise had to do this week so my schedule is so so free atm

not like i'm really doing much with this free time though

i haven't really been playing games or going out or whatever i've been just watching youtube videos talking to ppl online and listening to music

well there's a bit more to that but the point is that i'm kinda wasting away all these hours

i need a job...............

+ at the same time my life has been going thru a bit of a hectic side lately cuz i've got a bunch of kinda detrimental familial business going on

won't go too into detail but my family may or may not currently be at the risk of eviction so like yyyyyyyyea it's pretty serious

i wanna say we'll be fine but it's very unclear honestly so i'm really fingers crossing

++ haven't been properly keeping track of time honestly

everything's slipping away (not very serious or detrimental)

i guess one plus uh i bought a nue houjuu fumo like two days ago on ebay & it's still on the way to me

that's enough fumo expenses for me tho

was the last of my Epic Games v FTC lawsuit refund money that i spent on that

fun while it lasted

guyssss i got a parsee fumo

this is like my first authentic fumo ever too this is amazing

i love her so much

i've been rocking a flandre bootleg fumo for a little while (still love that one btw) so this is like a change of pace a bit

parsee even came w a little pin that's nice

i thank the Epic Games [Fortnite] v FTC lawsuit refund for this purchase

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thinking about yuuka a lot recently

she not really a demented type character like people like to say she is sometimes like yeah i know she carries like some sort of notoriety status in tandem w her caring for her sunflowers her abilities and the fact that she's got a few sorta questionable quirks but like idk

i fw her

perceivable pros to her as a character

i also fw when she gets portrayed w dynamics that kinda reel in wriggle nightbug and medicine melancholy

no sadism in this ballpark

thinking about Rei'sen

a little interested in her premise even if she is kinda haphazardly just like a pupil for the watatsuki sisters and weirdly not so much more than that... that's considering that there are like other minor appearances of her

those "other minor appearances" sorta just bounce off that first appearance that i brought up tho... the pupil ish... so it's not like there's so much to that stuff as a whole

would be very interesting if she got more time in the canon and things would unfold like.. differently than they have been by this point... like instead of just her doing stuff with reimu and eirin without sooo much substance to those encounters

kinda really wanna see other things unfold

i've been going through an interesting series of thoughts lately ok i'm not sure i really get myself tho

i've also been going through like a desire to keep to myself lately

by all means i'll keep updating this page and this website as a whole but sometimes i really need to be secluded like straight up isolated on the internet

i need to relearn myself... #honestly

i took my first proctored exam for my summer math course like two days ago

holy fuck that was awful

my body hurt manyfold from it and i could barely feel myself thinking straight cuz of how long i was taking the exam

i was about to type "never doing that shit again" but i have to do that stuff like 4 more times in the next like what two months

sigh

anyways i'm kinda gaming lately

thinking i get moonlight on my modded wii u and treat the gamepad as a makeshift steam deck

also i drew for the first time in a while earlier today (keeping the drawing to myself)

drew parsee mizuhashi cuz i love her lately

lil jealous goblin

i got a cartridge of super mario world 2 yoshi's island for the snes today

really a bit ecstatic cuz this is like one of my favorite games like ever it's so good

blessup

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kinda thinking about how flipnote hatena from 2011 to 2013 made me who i am today

thinking i got into animes like nichijou through that service,, as well as like the touhou franchise and vocal synth culture through flipnotes as well,, i was partially swayed by the music but a lot of that general stuff developed like crazy for me in the coming years and now i’m like the 2011-2013 version of myself times like 1000

if i never learned how to import japanese flipnotes onto my dsi at the time,, i think i’d be like an insanely different person now,, like night and day differences of character

actually it’s cuz of that that i’d also think about,, like,, how much i was influenced by old japanese internet in general,,

flandre scarlet freaked me out when i was a kid,, like the way she was usually portrayed

stop nagging me with akita neru was like the best song ever at the time (u guys have no idea i had been looking for that song for like at least 10 years i was so desperate but in 2023 i finally found it again like i was so ecstatic and it’s just like ugh it was about as good as i remembered it being in 2013)

there was this one touhou fan song that i really really loved as a kid it went like “pettan pettan tsurupettan” yep i think about it a lot,, i liked tons of fan songs and touhou based content in general back then but like this is what i'm thinking about right now yup

so many catchy songs and substantial pieces of content from back then that kinda give me a weird feeling in my chest thinking about now

why does it make me so nervous lol it’s a little scary

i think i just miss that time so much it was so special and magic fuck wtf it was beautiful and everything felt like sunshine and rainbows,, especially getting into touhou for the first time,, it weirdly felt so lovely

whatever i’m done being nostalgic i should stop being nostalgic

the now can be cool too but hey it's not bad to feel nostalgic i guess

okay so some things have happened lately some things that i'm happy about and other things not so much

last weekend i went on an unexpected trip to a ferry a few cities from my home and while i was super unprepared and wish i had known in advance that i was going to such a thing i still felt a bit delighted cuz of how lax and lazy the overall trip was i was mellow asf,, tho at the same time it was around the time i started really getting into factorio and i was sliiiightly aching to play that,, but hey i like being out and about so

i bought a slim ps1 yesterday like the ones that are stylized as "ps one" and while it iiiis a bit scratched up i still really love just having it around. that's my baby now.. i've never has a ps1 before and now that i own one i'm just so delighted,, i was always skeptical about buying one cuz it's like am i reeeeeally gonna be using this,,, but no i got games for it that i care about and i've even been playing my music cds off it and it's just so amazing i love this purchase

at the same time however i tried to buy a ps2 slim on the same day (slight impulse) and when i hooked it up and stuff,, well,, like,, it turned on and everything,, it loaded the browser + config menu just fine,, but it.. didn't want to load the games i had for some reason.. came with a messed up disc drive,, i returned it to the store ofc and while they couldn't give me my money back through cash or to my credit card i still had hella money towards like in-store credit which i of course used up a bit after returning the console,, i ended up getting some games that i'm like so happy to own,, i bought "katamari forever" for the ps3 which btw i'm like the most excited about from my haul today cuz like i love the katamari franchise so much the games are so special and cute and just so substantial, i bought "ape escape" for the ps1 (i don't have the analog ps1 controller for it but i have a ps3 that plays ps1 discs so it's not that big of a deal imo), and i bought this game bundle called "final fantasy chronicles" that had final fantasy iv and "chrono trigger" included which is dope asf,, btw yesterday alongside the ps2, i bought like,, "tony hawk's pro skater" for the ps1 which i think is like awesome,, and like,, wow,, i bought "ICO" for the ps2 do u know how big of a deal that is to me,, ico is in like my top 5 games of all time and now that i own it physically,, it's like,, wow,, i'm winning,, i can look past the north american box art and the fact that i don't currently own a ps2,, i won by owning this,, but for now i'm gonna have to just keep it in the background yk,, like people who buy vinyls without owning a record player,, i don't mind those kinds of people,, i know people tend to mind those kinds of people like so much,, but if u care about the piece of media it's like hey go ahead n make urself feel happy

i changed my major back to computer science not too long ago which is like yeah,, i feel i'm more willing and passionate for this now,, i start my summer courses tomorrow which may or may not be a pain cuz i know summer courses are really fast paced and just a potentially big struggle,, but hey outside of college my schedule is free enough for it so,, i'm gonna work thru this

ultimately i'm living my life,, just like everyone else

factorio is consuming me

ok the escape game on clubhouse games for the nintendo ds is so fucking hard

why is it so hard

like levels 1 and 2 were fine but it was level 3 where i started going insane

thanks nintendo

hi i'm still alive

started a new max/msp course recently so that's pretty cool yeah i can't wait to get into that,, would love to perform IDM patches on there once i get better at it,, my cohort has some great progress too like i love spectating it

also started an active web dev course alongside the max/msp one cuz i want to take that stuff seriously too,, this website is asking for that kind of love from me

before i would very slowly self teach myself these things but now it's like yeah ok cool guided learning,, that's always nice

i bought my first otamatone today at a barnes & noble which i'm kinda really happy about cause i'd always wanted to buy one of those but never actively sought out for one cuz it would always slip my mind,, but no yea this is great lol i used to admire them a lot a long long time ago but it's here i own it now and it's so cute it's like a Pusheen edition otamatone i didn't even know those were a thing but amazing.. maybe someday i'll get the miku one

and another thing my new 3ds xl had like a corrupted sd card for the past idk maybe 2 or 3 months or so and today i finally said fuck it and reinstated my mod setup and restored to an older nand version which like no yea i'm happy about this too.. albeit some data's gone cuz the nand backup was from like april of last year and i played after that.. but no yea i'm over it i guess it doesn't bother me. i'm also not too bothered over losing like themes and stuff.. all of this is because i already have like a second 3ds with stuff on it so it's like so fine lol

gonna go through with changing my college major back to computer science next week cause i've been doing a bunch of thinking these past few months and i'm starting to get the appeal of it again,, i already adopted the major a while back but then opted for natural science cuz at the time i was so disinterested in computer science,, i'm a little heartbroken by that reality nowadays tbh.. but now it's like yeah lol some kind of redemption

anyways this is really long

i'm happy i think ok life is pretty okay

awwwww i just reeaaaliiiized that i missed the one month anniversary of this website's launch

well it's not that big of a deal tbh but it would've been a liiiiiittle nice

whatever ok still counting it in my website updates scroll box

here's to the one year anniversary

ok so apparently i do not hate studying.. but the way that i study is slower than i'd wish for it to be

answering essay questions seriously helps,, but i feel like i should open myself up to a more constructive workaround than what i'm doing now.. cause i've been answering these with wayyy too many unnecessary words.. i was always an overreacher when it came to writing tbh..,.,. be it for personal or graded purposes.

i think i'm starting to get the appeal of cornell note-taking,, although i haven't actually utilized the system in recent history

just sounds like a proper format to exercise my knowledge of a subject

when i wake up i'm gonna study hardest i've studied in a while

i love pushing things back til the end of the week no i don't

such an old habit being brought back

huzzah for i've uploaded two tracks on soundcloud in one day

first time in a long time

not shoulder patting myself but like yea this is a good day for that

edited (2 May 2025 @ 14:47 CST): sigh

minecraf movie was awsom

ok i'm still gonna watch the minecraft movie today but i feel so dizzy it honestly hurts

idek why i feel dizzy

maybe this is like a jogging aftereffect too

goddamit this sucks

a bit nauseous too

was the jog i took really that powerful

my legs hurt

shiiiiiiiiit they hurt so much

this is the jogging aftereffect

ngl i jogged for a whole hour straight like nonstop earlier and i honestly have no idea what came over me that made me do that

i haven't had tht kind of energy in so long it was honestly a tad bit insane

i used to do nonstop 70 minute jogs back in like late 2022 but ,, not at all after that ,, and i was so sure i had fallen off cuz i'd only be getting like 40 min 45 min jogs nowadays ,, but like no i guess we're back lol.. maybe,,,,,

i had LUNA SEA's music in my ears while jogging & i think that made it so much more euphoric

i love LUNA SEA so much they're amazing visual kei.. top 10 personal discoveries of 2024

u know what... i'm recommending them in my music page after i'm done writing this

anyways i'm gonna watch the minecraft movie tomorrow (later today i guess) w my sibling i think

it's gonna suck but at the same time it's gonna be so awesome

how semi wonderful

today and yesterday have been such good days for this website

i know i don't get thaaat many visitors like ever but i still like sprucing this site up keeping this up yeah yeah updating this

i treat this like my little online house

like a social media that's not really that social

antisocial media... whoa

either way good feeeeeeeeeeling

i'm so making it work

the layouts of my college finals got announced today in my courses and they sound a liiiittle scary but it's so so important to just try and make it work anyway.. i won't let this fear get to me

what an unexpected load of work tho...

kinda seriously wack asf

hi i guess i'm doing these now.. i'm like wondering and stuff if i'll end up being frequent with this page,, i meann.,.,,. probably,, like some days i will have a lot to say while other days i'll have liek,..... nothing at all.. mute from the inside mute freom the outside,,.